As I was retrieving a shopping cart in Wal Mart yesterday, a particularly unkept, unattractive and mean spirited woman, who actually reeked of body
odor, pushed me aside. Shoving past me, the woman snarled at her kids, almost knocking another older lady down, grabbed the first cart and swung it around, hitting an older man working there as a Wal Mart Greeter.
As she pulled the cart away from the Greeter's stomach, in a kind and friendly voice the Greeter said, while gesturing toward the two children, "Are they twins?"
Glaring at him she snapped back saying, "No you old fool, the brat's 9 and the little witch is 7, are you so blind you think they look alike?"
"No," calmly replied the Greeter, "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice".
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket, where she selected: A half-gallon of 2% milk, A carton of eggs, A quart of orange juice, A head of romaine lettuce, A 2 lb. can of coffee, And a 1 lb. package of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.
|
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single". The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what,you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly".
First time sex
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.
The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack.
|
The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents houseand meets his girlfriend at the door. it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents houseand meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents houseand meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious." The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."
|
